Being molded

First, let me start by saying from now on I am going to write in green. It is fun to have the different colors, but there are only so many that are fun and i'm honestly tired of picking a new color each time I write. I know, poor me. Ha.

Anyhow, I feel like today God showed me a lot about myself that I need to change. Or should I say, that He is preparing to change in me. It is painful to have your sin thrown in your face, but the JOY that you feel when you acknowledge that you are inadequate, ask for forgiveness, and then feel God restoring and making you new. Again, I highly recommend the study i've been doing called, Women Making A Difference in Marriage. Every single time I have done a daily study, I walk away having learned something huge. Not that what I learned is something i've never heard before, but that it totally impacted my life and I want to change. Today talked about finding Joy. Not happiness which is a temporary feeling, but finding true JOY that only comes from the Lord. All of this study is in respect to the way you look at your husband. I never really fully understood how much I look to my husband and how much I put on him that he can never fulfill. I am looking to him for joy and when he fails I am torn apart. Thats the issue.... he will fail and I will never find true joy in him. Only God can give you joy and most joy comes from finding His peace which surpasses all understanding. See God did not promise that life would be easy. I think a lot of people think that about the Christian life when in fact the bible tells us that we will face trials of many kinds. But what God did promise us is that he will grant us his peace and that we should rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice.
When I finally grasp this and live it out, I think it will take a lot of pressure off of me and off of my husband. I have put him high up on a pedastool. I have created standards that are unrealistic and unbiblical. Although I think he is the greatest thing that has every happened to me, I know that he is human. Only God can fill that void that people try to fill with everything else but Him.... relationships, sex, drugs, alcohol, jobs, money, etc.
So all that to say that although being molded can be painful, it is far worth it and you will only grow and mature in your faith when you are challenged. I praise God for my husband. I feel so undeserving of his love.... I need to fight and pray for his love. Ladies, pray for your husbands. This world is a hard place to live in when you are trying to live a holy life.