First doctor appointment

Yesterday I had a dr. appointment for the new wee one inside of me. The appointments were running an hour and a half late. So instead of sitting right next to a bunch of other women in awkward silence, I broke the silence. (Not to worry, it wasn't in a bodily function type way. Ha.) I started talking to the woman beside me and she started opening up. It is amazing how much people really would love to talk if it weren't for the unspoken i'm-sitting-in-a-waiting-room-don't-want-to-make-eye-contact-or-speak kind of rule. Sadly the lady was at a follow up appointment because she just miscarried. A few other women started talking as well and we were all sharing past childbirth stories and questions/comments about our new pregnancies. I actually thoroughly enjoyed my time waiting. My favorite was a Chinese woman that came and she had the funniest sense of humor. I shared with her how i've been to China and she is actually from where I visited several years back. Anyway, I finally got called back and they did some doctorly things that i'll spare you the details on and then it was time to listen for the heartbeat. Well she couldn't find it. The doctor looked at me and said, "Do not worry, this happens all the time, let's go do a quick ultrasound to see if we can find it". Do not worry?! Are you kidding me?!!! She might as well have said, ok go ahead and worry because I know if I tell you not to that you are going to worry anyway! I was worried because a dear friend of mine miscarried recently, and the lady I sat next to waiting had miscarried. So I called Matt up real quick and told him to say a prayer that they had to do an ultrasound to find the heartbeat. Right when I hung up this verse from the bible quickly came to mind. "Be still, and know that I am God!" I was comforted but then immediately started thinking what does that mean? Does that mean, be still and know that I am God because you just miscarried or does that mean be still and know that I am God and don't worry everything is fine. Immediately it came again, "Be still, and know that I am God!" I resolved in my heart, that no matter the circumstances or the outcome, that I am going to be still. Stop worrying. And trust that He is God and He has my best in mind! If God forbid, I were to have miscarried, I trusted right then and there in my heart that God would have given us peace and comfort and that we would have made it through that time.
After a few minutes the doctor quickly came in, set up the ultrasound and there I saw my little one's heartbeat beating away. There was no better feeling than that moment.
I don't understand why some babies live and some don't. I won't even begin to try and answer that life long question, why do bad things happen? But what I do know and trust is that God has a plan. A plan for our best! He has a plan for His glory to be revealed. I have to trust that no matter what comes our way... bad or good, that He loves us. He will be our comfort and peace. He never promised that life would be easy. But He did promise to give us His peace that surpasses all understanding. He did promise to love us to matter what! God IS good. We may not understand timing or reasoning, but in the end I know and trust that it will all be for His great plan which is far greater than we ever could imagine! I will end with a quote from one of my favorite songs, Blessed Be Your Name.

"You give and take away, but still I will say BLESSED BE YOUR NAME!"